The confessions of a Bumb

“One who can laugh on himself can easily make others burst into laughter”-Charlie Chaplin.
Your chilhood is a disaster when you have a weird surname like me. My Surname is Bumb and we do not deal in human weapons believe it or not . Sometimes it is kinda awkward to read my surname mispelled by the 3rd class courier companies. Most of the times its Bomb or Bum either of them is equally hilarious. The weirdest mistake I came across was when they mispelled it as Pump and that to on a rejection letter of a University. I was like Bitch Please first get the name right then teach literature in your college. Imagine the name Gaurav Pump. On a serious note my name helps the terrorists to earn two meals a day. Terrorists are really grateful to us because we endorse their major product without charging a single penny.But the Stand-Up Comedians are more dangerous than the terrorists. My surname is such that it can be used by hindi and english stand up comics to make equally hilarious jokes. For instance Gajodhar bhaiya can make a bum bum bole joke and Russel Peters can make a bum joke.
My friend once joked that you seem to be adrent devotee of Gauri-Shankar because your name has the essence of both of them and you yourself look like Ganpati.
On a serious note I believe that my surname is awesome because  the mordern world is  full of worries and insecurity and  people find small things which make them smile and what’s more funny than having a weird surname. There are very less people who can make you smile just by telling their name and I am happy to be one of them.
Last but not the least the airport incident. It was my first time at the Delhi Airport and I was lost and friends started calling where is bumb , where is bumb and they were noticed by a Haryanvi cop and he said, “ke laundo airport pe bomb phodne ka plan karre se” and then they said he is a human and the cop was even more annoyed, ” ke bawadi poonch human bomb se tumhare pass, chalo police thaane”.
Sorry bad one

Letter to Sai from his father Nirasaram

Dear son, A week has gone by, and I see no signs of things getting any better. You are letting my name down. Now it seems like your Corrupt The System training was a waste of my precious money and time. I know you are still a novice in giving interviews but ask Jethmalani he will train you how to tackle the media especially with that louder than a loudspeaker journalist Goswami. I do not understand why he even needs a microphone. Leave all that, focus on getting me out of here. I am innocent and God knows that but you are quite well versed with the Indian govt. we have to pay more bribe if we are innocent. You know why I went to that room with that girl tell the media that my father was trying his hand in a new buisness power yoga which is the need of the hour and he just wanted a volunteer to practise some new aasans. I heard from the old prisioners that Salman khan was kept in the Same cell here, Salman khan reminded me of Katrina and Aishwarya and I was unable to sleep properly at night.
The police and the inmates are finding different ways of torchering me. In my first letter i told you about the body ache which I experinced on the first night here. When I asked for the massage oil they gave me the bull shit smelling pitanjali’s massage oil mass produced by that salwar suit baba kaamdev’s company. Next when I asked for newspaper they refused instead they took me to the jailer’s quarter and switched on the television and swapped to India TV some third eye baba’s satsang was coming. I am quite impressed by his entreprenual skills after watching him sell samosa and godrej locks in an innovative way. Now I feel like a small retailer in the generation of online shopping websites. Then suddenly the jailer came and he found another way to torcher me he took the remote and swapped to TIMES NOW where The Goswami was putting baseless allegations on me, I was very annoyed. All together do something asap to get me out of here.
Yours lovingly
Bapu