Oh My Sachin!!!!

Every night when I go to bed I pray to God and picture a white light showering blessings on me. But the night Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar retired ( As people say. But I still do not believe it)something amazing happened. I went to bed expecting the same image but suddenly my mind went blank and I started hearing loud cheers Saaachin….Saaaachin. At one end of the ground there was Sudhir Gautham, who is now the brand ambassador of Quickrrr. Then the Master Blaster entered the park. He started off with his signature straight drive which went right past whining Waqar Younis.

*Time for people to think about the straight drive*

From there my dream took a time leap off to Sharjah to that night when one of the sweetest dream of a Sachin fan became the deadliest nightmare for Shane Warne, that superb inning of 143 runs  is  still regarded as the best ODI inning by Him.
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Who can forget the upper cut six on the last ball of the first over by Shoaib Akhtar at Centurion in 2003. On the day when Shoaib had an epiphany that, “Who Is The Daddy?”. 
*Time given to readers to impersonate Sehwag’s epic dialogue, “BAAP….. BAAP HOTA HAI  AUR BETA..BETA”
Then came that short span of sadness  when you decided to retire in 2007 after India was out of the world cup in the first round after a humiliating loss against Bangladesh.  But all thanks to Mrs. Tendulkar who beared all your frustration and convinced you not to give up and fulfill your dream of bringing  that world cup home, which you apparently did in World Cup 2011.
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In 2008 you spilled your magic again as the Australian team cried once again, this time on their mommy’s lap. All thanks to your two back to back magnificent  innings in the CB Tri-Series finals. Still cannot get over the scene when James Hopes  literally cried at Gabba after that loss.
“And it’s the Super Man from India”, who can forget that inning of 201 in Gwailor when you became the first cricketer on the face of the Earth to hit a double ton.
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After each of your superb inning in that dream, a tv commercial came when somtimes you told the secret of your energy and sometimes you gave a signature test with Reynolds Racer Gel. When I came to know MRF was a tyre company, I literally checked every vehicle in my house. We know that you are solely responsible for half the revnues of PepsiCo India and Star Sports network. Sorry I am a vegiterian so I didn’t start eating eggs and either way I didn’t wanted to be like that kid who crushes your hand in that NECC advert.
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Throughout your career you made the bowlers of opposition cry but that last inning  and last speech,” My life for 24 years between these 22 yards is hard to believe had come to an end”,made us cry.
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*Pagale ne poore India ko rula dia. Aisa koi karta hai kya?
Jao mujhe nahi dekhna ek bhi match India ka. Aab mein hockey dekhunga. Chak de India!!!. Waise who is the captain of the Indian hockey team? Sunil Chethri na.*#sarcasm

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Tribute to God

Spoiler Alert: I tried to write a post on master blaster but then I realised that any combination of 26 letters will not be enough to describe the genius of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar . Therefore, I wrote about the essence of his journey that he chased his dreams since the age of 11 and today it all ends from where it started. So chase your dreams guys. Enjoy this poem.

Apni khawishon ko chupa  kar tumhe kya milega
Apne sapano ko bhula kar tumhe kya milega
Dukh aur dard se bhara sanaata
Doston duniya toh tumhe rokegi hi
Par tum duniya jaise mat bano
Apne khawabon ka khoon apne haaton se mat karo
Apne sapano ke piche bhaago
Tumhara sapna tum hi pura kar sakte ho
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Bas puri mehnat se uske piche bhaago
Mein bhaag raha hoon
Aur maa kasam bada maza aa raha hai.
Aur  haan yeh bandha bhi 24 saal se apne sapon ke piche bhaag raha tha
But you know Gods never retire.
Take a bow master.
Thank you for inspiring us.

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Ram vs Ramu Kaka

Just tell me one thing if you regard God as the supreme being then why do Hindu mythology gives an opportunity to uncle pai and Ramanand Sagar to take the first mover advantage and make comic books and TV serials. Gods are just the comic characters of the past.  Rapist like Asaram use the name of God to turn himself into a buisness tycoon having net worth of 350 crore. Commercialisation of God is one aspect. The thing which irritates me the most that some narrow minded idiots use the name of God to preach violence and believe it or not communal violence is much bigger than terrorism or naxalism.
It’s so ironical that we worship Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge but we harass girls at schools, colleges and work place. We worship Laxmi, the goddess of wealth but still we have dowry deaths. We worship Durga, the goddess of power but forget about giving equal power to female sex, we kill the girl in the womb itself.

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Why do we need temples?? Understand a simple thing people
If you regard God as the supreme being who made you then why he needs your support to live or why He need your money. If you have a counter question to that the donated money is used for a good cause then you are mistaken because most of the time it is used to build another temple of God. We are donating truck lots of money for someone who we still don’t know exists or not. Rather, we can invest in health care and education of the poor.

So my ultimate message – This Diwali get over Ram and give happiness to your old Ramu Kaka and his son who is still struggling to get into a good school.

God’s Fool of the Day

Everyday I boarded the same monstrous bus which took me to a hell (college) . But today was a lucky day for me because  when I  reached the  stand a magic bus was waiting for me. A bus whose destination was my hometown, where a proud father and a worried  mother are waiting  since six months now. In the bus all the past memories came back to me. The last time I hugged my grandfather before leaving ,  taste of the local snacks and the kiss filled with mother’s love  Then the damn alarm started snoozing right in my ears  making me realize that it was just a dream and I am just another contestant of the heavenly game God’s Fool of the day.

What’s my fault???(english translation)

I may be a cute six year old or working 26 year old
It hardly makes any difference
I may be an innocent small town girl or a powerful high society creature
It hardly makes any difference
I am always bound to the same fate.
Sometimes I question the world that what’s my fault?
They remain silent and just comment that’s how India works.
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Some narrow minded bastards curse my attire for such monstorous acts.
Haunted by this fate Sometimes I prefer to die
And,sometimes I refuse to cry.
Mostly actors and politicians are monsters of my nightmares.
They leave the room laughing , leaving me in tears beneath the bed.

Stop blaming the victim.

Mera Kya Kasoor Hai???

Mein 6 saal ki bhi ho sakti hun,
Mein 26 saal ki bhi ho sakti hun,
Par usse fark kya padna hai…
Mein gaon ki bhi ho sakti hun,
Mein bade shahar ki bhi ho sakti hun,
Par usse fark kya padna hai….
Mere saath toh ek hi kaam hona hai.
Ab jab main pal pal toot rahi hu,
Main aaj duniya waalon se puchti hun Mera kya Kasoor hai,
Woh chup rah jaate hain kehte hain yeh toh duniya ka dastoor hai.
Kuch chote log toh mere libaas ko hi doshi tharaatein hain,
Aur wohi darinde mere hijab ko bhi apni nazaron se napak kar jaate hain.
Iss bhoj ke niche dabe kabhi mein maaut ko gale lagati hun…
Par jab aawaz uthati hun tab daba di jaati hun.
Kabhi neta toh kabhi abhineta karte hain mera shikar.
Woh hanste-hanste chale jaate hain mein roti rah jaati hu…

The confessions of a Bumb

“One who can laugh on himself can easily make others burst into laughter”-Charlie Chaplin.
Your chilhood is a disaster when you have a weird surname like me. My Surname is Bumb and we do not deal in human weapons believe it or not . Sometimes it is kinda awkward to read my surname mispelled by the 3rd class courier companies. Most of the times its Bomb or Bum either of them is equally hilarious. The weirdest mistake I came across was when they mispelled it as Pump and that to on a rejection letter of a University. I was like Bitch Please first get the name right then teach literature in your college. Imagine the name Gaurav Pump. On a serious note my name helps the terrorists to earn two meals a day. Terrorists are really grateful to us because we endorse their major product without charging a single penny.But the Stand-Up Comedians are more dangerous than the terrorists. My surname is such that it can be used by hindi and english stand up comics to make equally hilarious jokes. For instance Gajodhar bhaiya can make a bum bum bole joke and Russel Peters can make a bum joke.
My friend once joked that you seem to be adrent devotee of Gauri-Shankar because your name has the essence of both of them and you yourself look like Ganpati.
On a serious note I believe that my surname is awesome because  the mordern world is  full of worries and insecurity and  people find small things which make them smile and what’s more funny than having a weird surname. There are very less people who can make you smile just by telling their name and I am happy to be one of them.
Last but not the least the airport incident. It was my first time at the Delhi Airport and I was lost and friends started calling where is bumb , where is bumb and they were noticed by a Haryanvi cop and he said, “ke laundo airport pe bomb phodne ka plan karre se” and then they said he is a human and the cop was even more annoyed, ” ke bawadi poonch human bomb se tumhare pass, chalo police thaane”.
Sorry bad one