God’s Fool of the Day

Everyday I boarded the same monstrous bus which took me to a hell (college) . But today was a lucky day for me because  when I  reached the  stand a magic bus was waiting for me. A bus whose destination was my hometown, where a proud father and a worried  mother are waiting  since six months now. In the bus all the past memories came back to me. The last time I hugged my grandfather before leaving ,  taste of the local snacks and the kiss filled with mother’s love  Then the damn alarm started snoozing right in my ears  making me realize that it was just a dream and I am just another contestant of the heavenly game God’s Fool of the day.

A History class in 2035

Disclaimer:This is not a piece of fiction. I have time travelled to do this research.
Teacher: Open the archives page and click on the link The Battle Between #pappu and #feku.
Recently, Feku completed his 4th term as @PMOIndia. But his story from changing his twitter handle from @NaMo to @PMOIndia was a David and Goliath story but in reverse. In which Goliath as in Feku often regarded as Modi crushed Pappu often also known as Rahul. If we see the newspaper clippings
Class whispering: Hey dude what is this newspaper, forget all that have you seen the new porn movie Robo Porn. I dont know why these ministers fight and we have to read this shitty history.

*Virtual Teacher, teaching from home calms them down and starts again.*

Teacher:If we see the clippings for the newspaper at that time  will show how pappu’s insanity led to the downfall of his party Grossness. Historians say that more than Feku’s charm it was Pappu’s foolishness that helped the Feku party win the elections in 2014.
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From the accounts of Historian Ram Guha Jr.’s book it is believed that The Pappu family absconded to Italy after the humiliating loss where they started a new Indian restaurant with tagline,”India mein khaya ab Italy ko khilayenge.”  It seems that waitress training is coming in handy for papu’s mother. Papu’s brother-in-law was finally behind the bars charged with innumerable land grabbing cases. The desicion came after 20 years from the date on which case was filed. Former home minister SK Shinde was again demoted to the post of a peon in Maharashtra muncipality from where he started his career.The grandson of former HRD minister Sibbal, annoyed by his grandfather’s system of education CCE dropped out from school and started a whole new concept of Robotics Porn and our dear SMS worked as a mute budget calculator in finance ministry of India, before being called by Papu’s mother in Italy to work as Lassi vending machine at her restaurant in Italy. The common man is bored by his life as there is no excitement left in their lives because they have not seen a single scam for the last 20 years in Feku’s regime.

Sorry Sardar Patel, Feku tried to solve the  Kashmir issue but it was not solved because of his dictator like behaviour. YOU can read more about this in my next post “The Side Effects of MODI

What’s my fault???(english translation)

I may be a cute six year old or working 26 year old
It hardly makes any difference
I may be an innocent small town girl or a powerful high society creature
It hardly makes any difference
I am always bound to the same fate.
Sometimes I question the world that what’s my fault?
They remain silent and just comment that’s how India works.
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Some narrow minded bastards curse my attire for such monstorous acts.
Haunted by this fate Sometimes I prefer to die
And,sometimes I refuse to cry.
Mostly actors and politicians are monsters of my nightmares.
They leave the room laughing , leaving me in tears beneath the bed.

Stop blaming the victim.

Mera Kya Kasoor Hai???

Mein 6 saal ki bhi ho sakti hun,
Mein 26 saal ki bhi ho sakti hun,
Par usse fark kya padna hai…
Mein gaon ki bhi ho sakti hun,
Mein bade shahar ki bhi ho sakti hun,
Par usse fark kya padna hai….
Mere saath toh ek hi kaam hona hai.
Mein duniya waalon se puchti hun mera kya kasoor hai,
Woh chup rah jaate hain kehte hain yeh toh duniya ka dastoor hai.
Kuch chote log toh mere libaas ko hi doshi tharaatein hain.

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Iss bhoj ke niche dabe kabhi mein maaut ko gale lagati hun…
Par jab aawaz uthati hun tab daba di jaati hun.
Kabhi neta toh kabhi abhineta karte hain mera shikar.
Woh hanste-hanste chale jaate hain mein roti rah jaati hun

Please stop blaming the victim..

The confessions of a Bumb

“One who can laugh on himself can easily make others burst into laughter”-Charlie Chaplin.
Your chilhood is a disaster when you have a weird surname like me. My Surname is Bumb and we do not deal in human weapons believe it or not . Sometimes it is kinda awkward to read my surname mispelled by the 3rd class courier companies. Most of the times its Bomb or Bum either of them is equally hilarious. The weirdest mistake I came across was when they mispelled it as Pump and that to on a rejection letter of a University. I was like Bitch Please first get the name right then teach literature in your college. Imagine the name Gaurav Pump. On a serious note my name helps the terrorists to earn two meals a day. Terrorists are really grateful to us because we endorse their major product without charging a single penny.But the Stand-Up Comedians are more dangerous than the terrorists. My surname is such that it can be used by hindi and english stand up comics to make equally hilarious jokes. For instance Gajodhar bhaiya can make a bum bum bole joke and Russel Peters can make a bum joke.
My friend once joked that you seem to be adrent devotee of Gauri-Shankar because your name has the essence of both of them and you yourself look like Ganpati.
On a serious note I believe that my surname is awesome because  the mordern world is  full of worries and insecurity and  people find small things which make them smile and what’s more funny than having a weird surname. There are very less people who can make you smile just by telling their name and I am happy to be one of them.
Last but not the least the airport incident. It was my first time at the Delhi Airport and I was lost and friends started calling where is bumb , where is bumb and they were noticed by a Haryanvi cop and he said, “ke laundo airport pe bomb phodne ka plan karre se” and then they said he is a human and the cop was even more annoyed, ” ke bawadi poonch human bomb se tumhare pass, chalo police thaane”.
Sorry bad one

Letter to Sai from his father Nirasaram

Dear son, A week has gone by, and I see no signs of things getting any better. You are letting my name down. Now it seems like your Corrupt The System training was a waste of my precious money and time. I know you are still a novice in giving interviews but ask Jethmalani he will train you how to tackle the media especially with that louder than a loudspeaker journalist Goswami. I do not understand why he even needs a microphone. Leave all that, focus on getting me out of here. I am innocent and God knows that but you are quite well versed with the Indian govt. we have to pay more bribe if we are innocent. You know why I went to that room with that girl tell the media that my father was trying his hand in a new buisness power yoga which is the need of the hour and he just wanted a volunteer to practise some new aasans. I heard from the old prisioners that Salman khan was kept in the Same cell here, Salman khan reminded me of Katrina and Aishwarya and I was unable to sleep properly at night.
The police and the inmates are finding different ways of torchering me. In my first letter i told you about the body ache which I experinced on the first night here. When I asked for the massage oil they gave me the bull shit smelling pitanjali’s massage oil mass produced by that salwar suit baba kaamdev’s company. Next when I asked for newspaper they refused instead they took me to the jailer’s quarter and switched on the television and swapped to India TV some third eye baba’s satsang was coming. I am quite impressed by his entreprenual skills after watching him sell samosa and godrej locks in an innovative way. Now I feel like a small retailer in the generation of online shopping websites. Then suddenly the jailer came and he found another way to torcher me he took the remote and swapped to TIMES NOW where The Goswami was putting baseless allegations on me, I was very annoyed. All together do something asap to get me out of here.
Yours lovingly
Bapu