Uncategorized

बुली भैया

बुली भैया
9th में होंगे
जब हम 4th में थे
ऑटो में उनका एक छत्र राज था
कोने वाली सीट पर बस उनका ही अधिकार था
वह कूटनीती के ज्ञाता थे
अंडरटेकर वाली कूटनीती के
जब मौका मिलता हमें कूट देते थे
ऑटो में उनको बैग टच हुआ तो
कूट दिया
उनके जोक पर हम हंसे नहीं तब
कूट दिया
उनके लिए दो वाली पेप्सी नहीं लाए तो
कूट दिया
अगले साल उनके पापा का ट्रन्सफर हो गया
और हम सबने मिलकर पास के हनुमान मंदिर
में दो वाली पांच पेप्सी चड़ाई
खैर, आज उन्होंने मेंटल हेल्थ पर लम्बा स्टेटस डाला
उसमें उन्होंने लिखा बचपन में कैसे उनके पापा का
गुस्सा मम्मी पर निकलता था, मम्मी का उनपर
और फ़िर उनका हमपर…
पितृसत्ता के इस चक्रव्यूह को क्या मेरा उनके
स्टेटस पर दिया एक लाइक तोड़ पायेगा

Hindi Poetry · Hindi Translation · My Inspirations · Uncategorized

यह कैसा समय है? (हिन्दी अनुवाद)

Original – What Kind Of Times Are These? By Adrienne Rich

नोट: यह शब्दशः अनुवाद नहीं है, रूह को पकड़ने की कोशिश है ।

यहां से कुछ दूर पर एक जगह है, जहां दो रास्ते मिलते हैं,
एक रास्ते पर दो काफ़ी लंबे पेड़ों के बीच हरी घांस अब भी उग रही है
और दूसरे रास्ते पर क्रांतिकारी आवाज़ें बीते हुए कल के अंधेरे में शांत हो गई है
उन दोनों रास्तों के बीचों बीच आवाज़ उठाने वाले लोगों के मिलने का एक कमरा है, जहां सालों से कोई नहीं आया
वो लोग भी अपनी आवाजों की तरह कल के अंधेरे में कहीं गायब कर दिए गए हैं

मैं कई बार उस डर की सीमा तक फल तोड़ने गया हूं,
यह गलतफहमी मत पालना की मैं कोई रूसी कविता पढ़ रहा हूं, ये जगह और कहीं नहीं…यहीं है,
हमारा देश प्रतिदिन खुद ही के सच… डरवाने सच की ओर बढ़ता जा रहा है
यहां के अपने तरीक़े हैं लोगों को…आवाज़ उठाने वाले लोगों को गायब करने के

मैं तुम्हें यह नहीं बताऊंगा कि यह जगह कहां है, जहां एक कण उजाले को भी अंधेरे के जाल में फंसाया जाता है-
भूतिया चौराहे, हरे भरे  उपवन जैसे बेचे जाते हैं
मुझे तो पहले ही पता है, कौन उसे खरीदता, बेचता और गायाब करता है

पर मैं तुम्हें यह नहीं बताऊंगा कि यह जगह कहां है,
फिर मैं तुमको बाकी सब क्यों बता रहा हूं?
क्योंकि मुझे पता है कि तुम अब भी सुन रहे हो,
क्योंकि इस भयावह समय में तुम्हारा सुनना ही सबसे
ज़रूरी है…
पेड़ों के बारे में ध्यान से सुनना और घास की तरह उगते जाना सबसे ज़रूरी है

अंग्रेज़ी में यहां पढ़े- https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/51092/what-kind-of-times-are-these

English Poetry · Uncategorized · Writing Prompts

Book VS Bullet

History knows it very well,
As the fascists are up to it again
Turning citizens into mere numbers,
Turning people into a blind crowd…
They have cracked the recipe of
Making murderers out of youth
A spoonful of Patriarchy,
A bowlful of Unemployment
With a tinge of ‘Hate Speech’
That’s about it and you have a
19-year old with fake entitlement
Firing bullets at unarmed women and students
With the police sunbathing in the background
But sorry fascists…
Just when you thought we will leave this fight
I assure you that it will continue till we turn every bullet into a book.
The book that treats us as citizens and not merely numbers.

Uncategorized

The Eternal Conflict

मूर्ति के चार टुकड़ों से निकलकर पूरी दुनिया पे छाओ,

भगवान हो यार थोड़ा वैसा बनके दिखाओ…

तू अगर चाहे तो मूर्ति में भी दिख जायेगा वो,

तेरे अंदर भी वो है, तेरे बाहर भी वो…

Uncategorized

Aatma Ki Lau

Ek kanpkapi hai mere andar, jo bahaar aane ko hamesha taiyaar rehti hai

Chaar Sau ho ya Chaalis kitne bhi log ho mere saamne,

Wo daayein pair tak apna rasta khoj hi leti hai

Shabdon pe taala laga deti hai,

Gale se paani sukha kar peshaani pe le aati hai

Shareer dheere dheere thanda padne lagta hai

Thik ussi waqt aatma main ek lau jalti hai,

Yeh lau shareer main aaye toofan se ladti hai

Aur shabdon ke taale ko pighaal deti hai

Peshaani ka paani udd jaata hai

Gale main pighaala hua woh rass pahunch jaata hai

Daayein pair ki kanpkapi tham jaati hai

Aur aatma ek baar phir yeh yudh jeet jaati hai…

 

Uncategorized

Letters To Self #1

Hi you ‘Like’ freak

Suffering from a social media disorder

Running after likes and responses on the Internet to feel good about yourself

You are a hypocrite

Not to the outside world but to yourself

For the first twenty years of your life you have swam through seas of pity

Never realising that it was full of plastic

You were born premature, so what

What’s the big deal, it is upon you to fix it

But what you did

You started using the pity as a mental crutch

And that is the worst thing a person can do to himself

You found a thing which you were half decent at

That is WRITING

Putting words one after the other

To make sense of it all

But were you able to

Nobody is

Then came the social media monster

Where you tried to do away with pity

But you forgot to take care of your own self

Of your own health

You started getting distracted from the real problems

This started the tug of war

With you limping in the middle

On one side ignorance and self pity of the real world was pulling you

But you wanted to go on the other side which comprised of validation from people behind keyboards

But when they weren’t able to help

You complained in the real world

Complained that world is trying to undermine you

But this whole time, the only person undermining you was you

You cared less and less about your real problems

Your health, your leg, your hand, your life

And when they weren’t fixed

You committed another mistake

You made yourself small in your own damn mind

And expected others to feel otherwise

And accept you as this confident and intellectual person

Just because you shared something funny on their Social media walls

Dude please

First accept yourself

Start working on yourself

Stop pitying yourself

Fix your damn leg, hand, health and life

Throw the mental crutches of pity

Always remember with every second you are getting closer to death

You are losing out on life

And every second you pity yourself

You are not loving yourself

And that’s a moment wasted

Remember, only you that can love you till the end of your life

Please do that

Remind yourself that

Again and again

You don’t need validation of tapping fingers on gorilla glass screens to feel good about yourself

You need yourself to take care of yourself

And a glass in front of you where you can stand and say ‘I love myself’.

Uncategorized

Patriarchy, Screw You!!!

Patriarchy, you know what Screw You!!!

For not letting me cry my heart out…

Patriarchy, Screw You!!!

For giving me a power that I cannot handle by birth

Patriarchy, Screw You!!!

For not letting me get close to my father

Patriarchy, Screw You!!!

For the exorbitant bills of therapy

And last but not the least,

Patriarchy, Screw You !!!

For being the root cause of pseudo-feminism…

Patriarchy, you know what Screw You!!!

Uncategorized

Laar

Laar
Tap tap tap tap tapke laar
Iske hain chaar prakaar
Bhook ki laar
Tharak ki laar
Paise ki laar
Power ki laar
Tap tap tap tap
Tapke laar…
Bhook ki laar hai sabse basic yaar,
Phir bhi usse rokne ke liye
Kitno ko pochni padti hai dusron ki tharak ki laar
Tap tap tap tap
Tapke laar
Tharak ki laar,
Hai khoob kamaal,
Arey bhai usse hi toh hai yeh saara sansaar
Par jab ban jaat wo vyapaar aur
Usmein mila nahi pyaar ka swaad
Tab bann jati yeh bahut khatarnaak
Tap tap tap tap
Tapke laar
Paise ki laar bhi badi zaroori hai yaar,
Usse chalta hai aaj ka sansaar
Par agar ismein bhi nahi aaya pyaar ka swaad
Toh tabaahi machata hai yeh baraambar
Tap tap tap tap
Tapke laar
Phir jiski tapke power ki laar,
Uske hain bas do kaam
Ya toh badhata hai apni bhook,tharak aur paise ki laar
Aur maarta phirta hai ahankaar ki paad
Nahi toh gatak leta hai janta ka pyaar
Aur leta hai sukoon ki dakaar
Tap tap tap tap
Tapke laar…
Uncategorized

Udhaar Ke Sher

Log toot jaate hain EMI chukaane main,

Tum zara nahi taras khaate yun bhag jaane main.

Baarish ki ek boond ko taras gaya wo,

Boodein jab chalki, apni bitiya ke saamne latak raha tha wo.

Usne calander banaye, jaam chalkaaye,

Na jaane kin kin nashon se loan pass karwaaye

Zameen girvi rakhi thi banno ki Shaadi main,

Dheere dheere pura parivaar bik gaya kundli ka dosh hataane main.

Iss beech ek akhbaar uthata hai ek insaan,

Thoda bulbulata hai, thoda taras khata hai… phir kehta hai, mera ho gaya…main middle class.

Note: First Sher is copied from Bashir Badr Sahaab’s sher.

Uncategorized

Kahaan Reh Gaye The

Bhag gaya tha woh apne gaanv ko paraya samajhkar,

Ab maara maara phirta hai parayon ko apna samajhkar.

 

Badi badi imaaraton ne moh liya tha uska mann,

Phir kyun baar baar yaad karta tha nadi kinaare waala bachpan.

 

Mashoori ki chaahat main dhal gayi jawaani,

Shaurat jisne dilayi wo thi Nani ki kahaani.

 

Tehzeeb jab apne gaanv ki bachon ko sikhlayi,

Unhe yeh lecturebaazi raas na aayi.

 

Budhape ke station se jab waapas gaanv ka rukh kiya,

‘Arey kahaan reh gaye the bhaiya’, yeh bolkar gaanv ne swaagat kiya.

 

 

Uncategorized

Love and Religion

Everybody knows which one is  the greater entity between Love and Religion. But often when they are at war, the lesser one wins and Humanity loses.

Well to put in simpler terms, the ultimate goal of religion is to fall in love with God and the ultimate goal of love is well, to fall in love. This means that religion is born out of love. Then why religion is so arrogant and love is full of fears. Why does Religion is on sale at places of worship and love meets secretly in these places. See, one thing is certain, Love with all its complexities is difficult to understand. Period. That’s why our ancestors might have thought let’s create a means to flirt with God, if we can’t fall in love with the Almighty. So, religion was invented as a means to flirt with God. Now, because there are a thousand ways to flirt, so we have thousands of religions. Each one tutoring us about the best way to flirt with God. But none of them teaches us love, because you can learn about love only by falling in love.

Due to simplicity and a very good marketing strategy fuelled by fear, over the years Religion has become very popular, so it is natural for it to grow arrogant and powerful. It uses this power to brainwash us and stay away from Love. This is the how the enterprise called Religion functions. When our soul begins to dry up due to lack of love, Religion loans us an opportunity to flirt with God and keeps us indebted till we wither away.

Uncategorized

Prem Aur Ishq

Tujhe Allah ne banaya hai,

Mujhe bhagwaan ne banaya hai,

Prem bhagwaan ne banaya hai,

Ishq Allah ne banaya hai,

Par yeh nahi pata hum dono ko kisne milaya hai…

Maine apni prathna ki,

Tumne apni ibadat

Par yeh nahi pata kismein thi zyada taaqat

Shayad yeh Bhagwaan aur Allah ki mili bhagat ka natija hai

Aisi mili bhagat jisse aam log toh kya Sarkarein bhi darr jaati hain

Daraar daalne ke liye jo kya kuch nahi kar jaati hain

Par khair Sarkarein badalti rahengi

Subsidy ghatti badhti rahengi

Par humein usse farak kya padna hai

Teri aankhon main mere prem ka maansarovar jhalkta hai

Aur meri aankhon main tere ishq ka haji basta hai

English Poetry · Uncategorized

Stage Fright

My right leg is shaking,
Shaking as though it is the epicentre of my nervousness
Eyes don’t know where to look,
Palms don’t know how much to leak
As thousand hypothetical judgements travel through the air
to lend me my first attack of stage fright
Well…last night in front of the mirror it was all fine,
Three strong points to support my argument
which even Frank Underwood cannot overpower and I am done
Daydreaming in the night
Ohh…I am Hitler, I am Gandhi, I am one of a kind
But that was last night…and to be fair to my introverted-ness
I was two drinks down
But now, as it has attacked me
As I am thrown in the middle of this battleground
I begin with my first argument but suddenly my head switches to Dothraki
With a bunch of uhhs and ahhs in my mouth
I am cursing the teacher who advised me to get on stage
I am cursing myself for showing up today
The only things debating right now are two wills
Will to express or the Will to go back
As this tug of war rages in my head
Heart pounds a million every minute
A look of my friend calms me down
He signals me from the audience to look at him
And nowhere else
Ohh that funny faced bastard
It’s like looking at the mirror yet again
And now words come walking back to my brain
Only to find out they’re too late
It’s already three minutes now
But it’s a great start

Isn’t it? I will be better the next time around

Thank you!

Uncategorized

‘Pyaar’ Ka Ek Khat ‘Nafrat’ Ke Naam

Dear Nafrat,
Tum dimaag pe chadte ho
Main dil main utarta hu
Tum apne dangon ke dhuyein se
Mera chaand chupa lete ho
Phir bhi main kuch nahi kehta
Koshish jab do dilon ko jodne ki hoti hai
Do hazaar saal phele ki dalilein tum aage le aate ho
Samajh nahi paate hain log mujhe
Kyunki bachpan se unhe tum hi padhaye jaate ho
Jaati, Dharam, Rang, Roop aur ab toh Khaan paan (LOL)
Se baandhte ho aadmi ko aise tum
Ki wo ab insaan banne se ghabrata hai
Mere pass aane se darr jaata hai
Par koi baat nahi
Jo pal pal tum tabaah kar rahe ho
Usse pal pal main jod raha hu
Kaise?
Jab ek baccha maa ko janam deta hai
Tab main uss maa ki aakhon main bas jaata hu
Ladakpan ki naav main haule se baith jaata hu
Kabhi ‘saat phere’ aur ‘qabool hai’ main meri mahak aati hai
Toh kabhi ek chote bache ki aadhi toffee mujhse milkar
gareebi ki laar mitati hai
Toh aye dost to end it on a lighter note,
Jitne bhi tu karle sitam
Hans Hans ke sahenge hum
Yeh pyaar na hoga kam
Hai Insaaniyat ki kasam….
Uncategorized

Jab ‘Paise’ Ko Hua Identity Crisis

Jab ‘Paise’ ko hua identity crisis
Usne pucha khud se kya main bana hu only to fund ISIS
Toh kiya usne introspect
Aur daudaya apna capitalist dimaag
Chalaaye apne socialist haath
Aur bana diya ek flow chart.
Purpose tha mera harr transaction kar dunga fair
But now I’m synonymous with the word ‘unfair’
Seems strange. Right?
Arey sahaab yeh hi toh tanta hai,
Hum jana kahi aur chahte hain
Chale kahi aur jaate hain
Main acche din laane nikala,
Toh Panama ke panno main atak gaya
Aur Jan Dhan khaaton main jaane ki sochi,
Toh Uss daarubaaz bhagode ke saath phans gaya
Kapde bhi badal liye hazaar,
Aur bann gaya ‘2000’
Yahaan bhi ulta padd gaya daanv,
Ek taraf ‘Deshbhakt’ janta line main lagi,
Dusri taraf ‘Swadeshi’ baba ne jebein bhari
Khush ho gaye aam yeh sochkar,
Main (Paisa) yahi ruk jaunga
Par aye meri bholi janta
Phir Swizerland kaun jayega
Sorry thoda zyada ho gaya rona,
Aakhir main mujhe bass itna hai kehna
Na koi galti hai meri
Na koi galti hai teri
Galat toh woh fitrat hai
Jo palat deti harr insaan
Uncategorized

Waqt- Ek Makeup Artist

Kitni khoobsurti se waqt chehre ka makeup karta hai

Bachpan ke kit main se choti-choti aankhein nikalta hai

Aur unhe bade saleeke se fit karta hai

Gaal main hansi ke gubaare bhar deta hai

Aur aankhon main zidd ke aansu

Kitni khoobsurti se waqt chehre ka makeup karta hai

Jawaani ke brush se maarta hai mucchon ka pehla stroke

Aur shararti phoonsiyon se chehra lal kar deta hai

Baalon main style naam ki kanghi chala deta hai

Aur aankhon main sapno ki aag bharta hai

Kitni khoobsurti se waqt chehre ka makeup karta hai

Jeevan ke interval main menopause ka chota sa dabba nikalta hai

Aur mehnat kash raaton ke sundar dhabbe de jaata hai

Peshaani par pareshaani ke kuch mote strokes banata hai

Aur ek aankh main gham toh ek aankh main khushi rang deta hai….

Kitni khoobsurti se waqt chehre ka makeup karta hai….

Phir anth main khanste khanste nikalta hai budhape ki peti,

Jhuriyaan banane ka saaman nikalta hai

Adhoore sapno aur rishton se aankhein geeli karta hai

Phir jeevan ke saat rangon ko milakar

Safed rang banata hai

Aur usse dheere dheere chadaane lagta hai

Tabhi toh uski (waqt ki) dukaan bandh hote hi

Chehra ek anokhi shanti se bhar jaata hai

Kitni khoobsurti se waqt chehre ka makeup karta hai

Uncategorized

Shake The Dust (My Version) 

This is for the seniors in my corporate world

Shake the dust

For the ones entrapped in the web of EMIs

Shake The Dust

Who work to please the client and not the brand

Shake the dust

This is for the girl

The Drama Queen

Shake the dust

The one for whom I have poured my heart out

But she goes back to the ones who ripped her soul

Shake The Dust

This is for every guy who wants to get in the pants of that girl

Shake the dust

This is for the uncle who steals from my wallet

Even when I give him money every time he asks for it

Shake The Dust

This is for the brother

Who has all the time to party

But is too busy to meet me

Shake the Dust

This is for everyone who bullies me

Not having a single shred of sense

Or ability to understand

What’s going on in my life

Shake the dust

Lastly, this is for the sister

Who left me pretty early

For her heavenly abode

And became a part

Of that dust….

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Mirror

​Hey, Mirror 

You have been meditating in Slyvia Plath’s hall,

Now you hang up here at my bathroom wall.

Only you know that I cry,

Others just feel that my heart is so dry.

Its the first time I will have a shave,

Ahead of this I have a journey to pave.

Loyalty is both your asset and liability,

But you will never undermine my ability.

You will swallow my every emotion

That of a little boy who imitates his father,

Or of an old man whose son should take care of him rather.

Uncategorized

Fasal meri nahi lehrayi

Context- In the so called 100 successful days of Modi Government there are more than 4600 farmer suicides and more than 50000 suicide attempts. There are hundreds and thousands of men and women migrating to urban areas looking for jobs which are not there. This in turn increases unemployment Hope the government wakes up early. – P.Sainath

Pata hai, iss bar phir baarish nahi aayi,

Fasal meri nahi lehrayi.

Lala ka karza aur badh gaya,

Kyunki meri fasal ka har ek daana sadh gaya.

Jhagad ke apni beti se,

Maine uski bakri ko bech diya,

Aur bade sheher jaane ka bandobast kiya.

1789081

Par sheher toh lala se bhi pechida tha,

Yahaan koi nahi seedha tha.

Main roz foothpath par sota tha,

Apno ke liye rota tha.

Kaam toh idhar bhi nahi mila,

Tehsil ho ya zilla.

Ab khudkushi hi ek chaara tha,

Gaon aur Sheher ke Jhamelon main bechara tha

Par yeh samjh nahi aa raha tha sheher main marein ya gaon main,

Sheher main toh neta meri laash ko bhi bechenge,

Abhineta logon ko parllel cinema parosenge.

Kyun na parivaar ko saath lekar marein

Ab aur kya karein.

Uncategorized

Excerpt of Tryst With Black Money

Not long time, we made a tryst with black money, and now time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure but very partially. (Kyunki 90% toh gold, shares aur property main phele hi converted hai)

And now at the stroke of midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to stand in ATM lines, only to find out later, that there is no cash left in the machine.

A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out to buy just a loaf of bread with only a single note Rs. 2000 in our pocket.

It is fitting that at this solemn moment, we take the pledge of dedication to the service of India and her government (tum kitne bade bhakt ho?) and totally disregard the suffering of our own children.

——-

Real Speech (Tryst With Destiny by Jawaharlal Nehru)

Long years ago we made a tryst with destiny, and now that time comes when we shall redeem our pledge, not wholly or in full measure, but very substantially. 

At the stroke of the midnight hour, when the world sleeps, India will awake to life and freedom.

 A moment comes, which comes but rarely in history, when we step out from the old to new, when an age ends, and when the soul of a nation, long suppressed, finds utterance.

It is fitting that at this solemn moment we take the pledge of dedication to the service of India and her people and to the still larger cause of humanity with some pride.

Uncategorized

Shower Thoughts #1

Consider your life is a novel, and you have no other choice but to be the protagonist of it. There will be subplots, plot twists, you will struggle, you will win but you shall not go down to the climax, looking back thinking, “That’s a pretty boring one”.

Make your novel, a page turner. Make everyday of your life beautiful (as cliche as it sounds). And remember only you have the power to do it.

Uncategorized

Ek Katra Hai Khoon Ka

Ek katra hai khoon ka,
Jo yeh shikayat karta hai,
Tum galat kar rahe ho.

Ek katra hai khoon ka,
Jo mujhse shikayat karta hai,
Tum raah bhatak gaye ho.

Ek katra hai khoon ka,
Jo aksar yeh shikayat karta hai,
Tum jaankar bhi anjaan ban rahe ho.

Ek katra hai khoon ka,
Jo bas shikayat karta hai,
Tum kitni aasaani se gumraah hote ho.

Hum toh desh ke dushman se ladne waale the,
Hum toh kranti laane waale the,
Inn chakaron main kyun pad gaye,
Humwatan ka hi lahoo bahaane tum lag gaye.

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Where the mind is full of fear

Where mind is full of fear and knowledge is just a hoax,

Where the country breaks into fragments just by Facebook posts,

Where words come out from stacks of money,

Where clear stream of reason is found in an actresses’ cleavage,

Where even editorial spaces are put on sale,

Where journalism and public relations have become synonymous,

Where Fourth Estate has become more viable business than Real Estate,

Into that Inferno of propaganda, Save my country from burning herself.

Here is a lecture by P.Sainath you have to watch-

 

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ज़िंदगी दोगली होती है।

ज़िंदगी बहुत दोगली होती है,
अकेलेपन में घबराती है,
महफ़िल में इतराती है,
तो कभी महफ़िल मैं डर जाती है,
और अकेलेपन में सुकून पाती है,
ज़िंदगी बहुत दोगली होती है।

ज़िंदगी बहुत दोगली होती है,
कभी किसी का साथ चाहती है,
तो कभी एक पल में ही उसी को खुद से फरार चाहती है,
अजनबी को देखकर इसे दया आती है,
तो कभी अपनों को देखकर भी तरस नहीं खाती है,
ज़िंदगी बहुत दोगली होती है।

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WATCH : 5 “Love” Shorts by Terribly Tiny Talkies. VOTE for your favourite

Terribly Tiny Tales – Welcome To Youtube

F.i.g.h.t C.l.u.b

Terribly Tiny Talkies by Chintan Ruparel and Anuj Gosalia is a creative initiative which brings together a diverse pool of writers to create one tweet-sized story, everyday. This time, they have gone ahead and produced 5 shorts. The theme is “love”.

5 shorts, under 5 minutes, by 5 filmmakers. El’ayichi by Devashish Makhija, R.I.P (Romance In Peace) by Shlok Sharma, The Last Day by Adhiraj Bose, Bunny by Vasan Bala, and Deuce by Chitan Ruparel. Do watch them and VOTE for your favourite one.

EL’AYICHI by Devashish Makhija, stars Nimrat Kaur, Divyendu Sharma, Vibha Chibber and Dodo! A dead but clingy husband and grieving but annoyed wife lock horns over what chai should be made today – adrak or ilayichi.

Shlok Sharma’s R.I.P (ROMANCE IN PEACE) features veterans Tom Alter and Shiv Subramaniam It’s never too late to find love!

Adhiraj Bose’s film THE LAST DAY stars Namit Das and…

View original post 102 more words

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Mumbai- An Amusement Park

Mumbai is often considered as a city but it actually has all the ingredients of an amusement park. The entry fee is generally two good trashings by workers of any extremist party. But the new management have come up with some exiciting offers to attract more customers to the already overcrowded ticket window.

*Ek UP waale pe Ek Bihari free* (Extra incentives for those who bring a child labour along).

Let me introduce you to some of the major attractions of this park :

1. Cheapest Rollercoaster Ride (BEST) – Board a BEST bus, sit on the last seat and without the hassle of buckling up, be ready for one in a lifetime experience. The same thrill, the same excitement of a rollercoaster costing 1800 at Adlabs Imagica is now available at Rs.18 (maximum). When you board this bus with your partner, you will literally see your Love in the air, when the bus kisses its own partner, the speed breaker.

Caution: This ride can give you back pain or bring back some old pains.

But this park has cure to your every pain. There are people selling Babaji Ki BOOTI selling all kinds of medicines. These wannabe Heisenbergs make more money than the normal chemists in their small vans. 

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2. Toy Trains ( Local Trains) – These are called toy trains because of the people who travel in them. They do not consider their own lives valuable. Most of them hang on the gates despite there being enough space inside. It is the only place where some adults sleep as peacefully as newborns while others fight as fearlessly as school kids. It is mandatory to use two to three cuss words before entering in this toy train.

We can find one more baba in the advertisements on this toy train. This baba is jack of all trades. He is your general physician, psychiatrist, sexologist, singer, dancer (Basically the guy from MSG). He can be also found in the comments section of viral youtube videos.

3. Merry Go Round (AutoRickshaws) – In this ride the only merry making person is the AutoRickshaw driver himself, who goes round and round with the customer. The park also serves his purpose very well as most of the other parks have a main lane and one or two by-lanes maximum. But Mumbai has a lane, a by-lane, a by-by-lane and 23 other lanes likewise.

But the most intriguing factor about these rides is the attitude of drivers. An average Mumbai AutoRickshaw driver has an attitude that equals two SRKs with a tinge of KRK.

4. Treasure Hunts- This amusement park organizes an invisible treasure hunts to find happiness in life. To tell you a secret, the clues of this treasure hunt are generally hidden with the street vendors who sell chai, vada – pav, dosa, frankie , pani-puri,sandwiches, and of course, chinese bhel. When two MumbaiKars meet at these checkpoints, they have to interact in some way or the other (At least share a smile) to unlock the clue. The eventual happiness is the sum of these little little moments.

End of Part 1.

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Heavenly Economic Crisis

The Hindu Bhagwandom is going through a recession. There are 33 Crore Gods to cater to the fear of only 100 Crore BHAKTS. Most of the powers are in hands of very few Gods. This situation of imbalance in Demand and Supply mechanism resulted in unemployment. Most of the economic analysts passed from Kuber Institute Of Management are terming this condition as Heavenly Economic Crisis.

To break from this highly capitalistic scenario and generate new employment opportunities, The Holy Trinity – Brahma, Vishnu and Mahesh came up with some major reforms to revive the faith crisis. They are as follows:

1. Monetary reforms – The idea behind this reform is to put a highly popular extremist leader on a Dias where he can brainwash BHAKTS and encourage them to give birth to at least 3 children despite his highly backward economic conditions. This will increase the supply of BHAKTS. 

2. Disinvestment – Followers of other religions are encouraged ( Nobody said FORCED) to disinvest their faith in their own religion to become a BHAKT. ( Again I am not using the word FORCED CONVERSION).

3.  MultiDimensional Investment- BHAKTS are encouraged to invest their faith in various Gods. Brahma, Vishnu, Mahesh and their families are to solve general problems. But everyone should have a local God often called ‘ Kuldevta’ to cater to local problems.

4. Foreign Investment- Some pseudo NRI BHAKTS add a element of spirituality and team up with the same Gods to open temples in different countries. The major selling point of these temples is good quality cheap food. This reform is given great importance considering the future of globalized world.

5. Social Media Management – The spread of internet have infested the evil idea of atheism in the young minds. Some socially addicted BHAKTS are doing their bit by sharing pictures of various Gods and Goddesses on Facebook and WhatsApp. These pictures usually comes with a warning to like it and share it or your life will be ruined. Often these BHAKTS are sent on missions to damage multiplexes when movie like PK releases. 

But the root cause of this heavenly crisis is the BHAKTS themselves. They have started challenging the preconcieved notions of God and started thinking. Man becoming rational about these topics have eroded the Heavenly Economy.

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बुखार

अब तो बुखार भी रूठ कर चले जाता है,
कहता है भाई अब कोई मज़ा नहीं आता है,
तुम्हारे शरीर में अपना घर बनाने से,
तुम तो अकेले रहने लगे हो,
ना माँ है गर्म पानी की पट्टी लिए,
और ना नानी माँ बुरी नज़र उतारने के लिए।
ना पापा को जल्दी है दफ्तर से घर आने की,
तुम्हे डॉक्टर के यहाँ ले जाने की,
और ना भाई को झंझट दवाई लाने की।
अब तुम्हारे पास आकर बोर सा होता है,
अब तो ये शोर सिर्फ फ़ोन पर होता है।

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The Ladies Compartment

The maid that sweeps my house,
Was last night again beaten by her spouse.
The single mom which preapare my meals,
Seeks justice for her husband who came under some rich wheels.
The orphan girl who sells the bestseller ‘I Am Malala’,
Does not crave for the Noble Peace Prize,
But only wants a cute pink dress preferably of her size.
And the girl who sells that dress,
Aspires to wear the Miss India crown,
But is rejected everytime with a frown.
Yet when they meet in the ladies compartment,
They share a smile and try to be happy for a while.

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Every Da Vinci needs a Medici

When I try to fly like Da Vinci,
Please be my Medici.
For if you give me some tolerance,
I will build you another city like Florence.
You call me a lunatic,
I say, your brains are antique.
My mind works at a frantic pace,
Just give me my own space.
I am not a genius, just a little curious,
About things which make me furious.
And my curiosity goes beyond,
Arts, Science and Commerce.
I will not be your cliched bait,
For I am here to create and innovate.
I will not be another appointment letter,
For I am here to make peoples’ life better.

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Queens Of The Filmi Highway

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With this year coming to an end, we have witnessed some great movies which broke the stereotypes of having a male protagnist. We saw two Delhi girls coming out of their comfort zones to go on a journey of their lives. Whether it was Mahi in Highway or Rani in Queen, both explored oneself during the course of their respective journeys and emerged victorious by the end of it.
We also saw two of the most powerful documentaries namely The World Before Her and Gulabi Gang made by Nisha Pahuja and Nishtha Jain respectively. The former explores two very diverse Indias within our country. The tussle between modern and traditional values related to feminism. But at the core every Indian girl is suffering with same conflict of finding her own voice whether it is in the Miss India pageant or at a Durga Vahini Camp. The later one shows a revolution in making at the grassroot level. Gulabi Gang, a fearless army of women headed by Sampat Pal fight against the issues of gender bias, class divide and corruption. Though this story has a bollywood masala version called Gulaab Gang with Madhuri Dixit and Juhi Chawla fighting in pink saris which was  not even 10% as impactful as the documentary.
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Another notable film though short in runtime but equally hardhitting was Megha Ramaswamy’s Newborns. Story of Laxmi, an acid attack survivor turned human rights activist through the lens. A beautiful short film which questions the real meaning of beauty. All in all, it was a great year for feministic cinema wave from the land which produced gems like Mother India and Bandit Queen. Hoping to watch some more great content in 2015. image

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सच और झूठ

सच से दूर भागते हैँ हम ,
झूठ के पास जाते हैं हम।
झूठ बोलकर इतराते हैं हम,
सच बोलकर घबराते हैं हम।
हम सच से क्यों डरते हैं,
झूठ पर क्यों मरते हैं।
हर जीत सच्चाई से मिलती है,
ये पता होने के बावजूद झूठ को नहीं तजते हैं हम।
सच बोलकर नोट पर छप गए बापू,
झूठ बोलकर जेल गए ढोंगी साधू।
फिर भी सच से दूर भागते हैं हम,
झूठ का दामन ही थामते हैं हम।

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एक नन्ही रूह का पैग़ाम

आज देल्ही पब्लिक स्कूल के बच्चे के ख़्वाब में
आर्मी स्कूल, पेशावर के बच्चे की रुह आई।
उसने कहा की जिन बच्चों के पापा आर्मी मैं है,
उनको मेरी तरफ से एक पैग़ाम देना।
सियासत ने उन्हें गुमराह किया है।
उन्हें सीमा पर पता नहीं क्यों भेजा है,
असल में दहशत सीमा पर नहीं हमारे घरों में ही हो रही है।
वहाँ ये लोग ज़मीन के एक टुकड़े के लिए लड़ रहे हैं,
यहाँ हम दहशतगर्दो के हाथों मर रहे हैं।
मुझे यह समझ नहीं आता हम आपस में ही क्यों लड़ते हैं,
तालिबानी जैसे डरपोक से क्यों डरते हैं।
पेशावर हो या मुम्बई,
लाहौर हो या दिल्ली,
यह लोग उड़ाते हैं हमारी जान की खिल्ली।
बस अब बहुत हुआ,
हमें आपस में लड़ना बंद करना होगा,
साथ मिलकर इन जानवरों को काबू में करना होगा।
हैवानियत की इस बारिश से बचने के लिए,
छाते को एकता के रंगों से भरना होगा।

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School Bag

Bees saal baad jab wapas puraane ghar pahuncha toh,
Saala phir se seedhi chadte hue nakhoon par lag gayi.
Upar ki manzil par pahunchkar Maine apna kamra khola toh,
Saamne pada mera purana school bag dikha
Uski tooti hui chain se ladta raha thodi der tak phir
Nikala uss bag main se ek dhool khaya hua sapna
image Maine uss dhoondle sapne ko jab dhoya aur sukhaya,
Toh pata chala yeh toh waisa hi sapna hai jaisa maine
Apne Bete ke naye bag main dekha tha,
Aur kaha tha, Zyada hawa main mat udo.
Shayad uss waqt main yeh bhool gaya tha,
Ki usse toh mere hi sapano ke pankh lage hain
Pata nahi phir bhi kyun main usse daant raha hu
Uske inn pankhoo ko kyun kaat raha hu
Hum dono main toh ek hi sapano ka engine hai.
Faisla kiya uss din maine ki,
Bhale hi mere sapano ke engine main oiling thodi kam reh gayi,
Par uske sapano ke engine main kabhi petrol khatam nahi hone dunga.

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My Experience With BhaiZone

As I once said, Ultracuteness often lands you in a space called BhaiZone. See this 50 shades of grey generation often likes a grey character with darker shades. An average guy with lightish grey character is often left forever alone. He is nice to everyone and often mistaken as a friend. When this friend is possessive for someone, it makes things even worse as he enters the BhaiZone. Yeah..often shyness and inferiority complex is  the common characterstic for people in this zone. Actually he is not shy but he takes more time to open up with people new to him, but till then he has already entered into that zone. Boyfriends of every girl around him come and go liKe Indian Batsman on International pitches and  he stands on the other end like Rahul Dravid doing his duty all the time but not getting credit. He gives her hint  and keeps doing his own little stint. It really hurts when she takes innumerable selfies with him and send that pictures for editing and then Instagram it with #LoveYouBhai and #InstaLove ( It is compulsry). Sitcoms like The Big Bang Theory and movies like Revenge of The Nerds boosts his confidence. But when he gets into real world he has no choice but to sit with his laptop and his Half Girlfriend ( Symbol of INC). In the Decleration Of BhaiZone, Bill Gates quote- In the constant pursuit to get out of the BhaiZone, Patience is the Key, once you are rich, the ball is in your court and you will find your “True Love”.

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GOD is a novel concept.

God is a novel concept. The first invention in Artificial intelligence. A concept which goes beyond heart and mind and make its way to the SOUL. It was meant to be a life changing concept for human beings. It was meant to spread love and peace. Everything was well and good till few influential and power hungry evil scientists saw GOD as an opportunity to fulfill their greed. These evil scientists installed a red chip in the HOLY system and called it RELIGION. This red chip corrupted the whole system and deleted some default programs of love and peace and installed some new ones like hate, greed and intolerance. An additional patch was installed later which was called MONEY. The perfect recipe for evil.

These evil scientists made their own armies and lured people to join them. These power hungry douchebags started a war which helped nobody but them. They brainwashed people and infested them with fear capsules in their research labs which they call temples, churches and mosques etc. Over the years as this war has become gruesome, the money blankets under which these evil scientists secretly masturbated while exercising celibacy ( FAKE BTW!!!) is becoming more and more comforting for them and disturbing for us.

I am not against GOD. Everybody has a secret personal relationship with GOD, which each one should respect. Some people take God as a spiritual being, while others consider Him as a father figure which will inspire them in the course of their life etc, etc. See nobody should stand between you and your faith. Likewise, you cannot tamper others faith. HE is here to spread goodness and not evil. Religion is doing nothing but eroding this novel concept of God.

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Dadi Maa

Dekha Bambai ke pradushit aasman ko toh,

Bas ek tara dikha , chamkta sitara dikha.

Dekh ke uss sitare ko dadi maa ki kahani yaad aa gayi,

Unki khoobsurat aakhen yaad aa gayi.

Woh saari ki ek choti si ghitan main duniya basa leti thi,

Papa office se late ho jaaye toh unhe bhi saja deti thi.

Unki jasdooi almaari main,

Apne aap hi humaari gulak ke paise dugne ho jaate the.

Maa nahi rehti thi jab ghar pe,

Tab mithai ke dabbe apne aap khali ho jaate the.

Shayad bhagwaan tak pahunch gayi thi woh halwe ki khusboo

Jise banaate banaate dadi maa unke pass chali gayi.

Uss halwe ke swaad se dadi ne bhagwan ko bhi pata liya aur

Mere ghar ke upar waale aasmaan par apna naya ghar bana liya.

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Yaadon Ki Chutti

Yaadein ek din ki chutti par jaaye
Aur mujhe waapas chota bacha bana jaaye
Akal se thoda katcha bana jaaye
Yeh Duniya waapas ek jadoo si lage
Har Ek Phool ki khushboo bekaboo si lage
25 paise ki goli jitna sapna ho jaaye
Apna waapas apna ho jaaye
Kutta bhoke toh main bhi bhoku
Bandar naache toh main bhi naachu
Log waapas thode pagal se ho jaaye
Naak main chitti ungli galti se chale jaaye
Hamesha tapakti laar se zameen geeli ho jaaye
Yaadein ek din ki chutti par jaaye
Aur mujhe waapas chota bacha bana jaaye.

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Message from Soul

Dear Man,
Hey there, this is your soul, not your soulmate.. You idiot, your soul. Its been a long time since we last met. I think you have become so obsessed with technology and artificial connections that now you need a smartphone application to face your inner self also. I don’t blame this on you. This new technology and innovations have seduced you to be a part of this RatRace.
You should embrace the fact that I am the one who stays in this world after you leave. I really need a nice home this time, as in a body of a person who is around less two faced people and who has the time to talk with me. Yeah.. Yeah, I might sound a bit selfish here. But I know what is best for you. I am not patronising you like the other beings of the world. But for our partnership to be successful you have to listen to your inner self. YOURSELF. You are no sheep. Goddamnit. You are a Human being. You cannot follow others, you are here to lead.
So take your mirror and see eye to eye in your own eyes and say something like the old days. So I can get your message. Always remember, You are here for something great. Please don’t listen to others. Only listen to your gut feeling.
Hope to get your reply soon.

Only Yours (For the time being)
The Soul.
(I know you have become a slave of popularity. You will post this letter on WordPress to get some petty views. See.. I got you again).

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Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di,

Bhuke pait aur Ek Muskaan se ek hi jism pe mulaqaat kara di,

Ab toh paanch sitara hotel main duniyabhar ki cheezein khaate hain,

Par woh muskaan kahi chali gayi , jo udhaar ke doodh se bani maa ke haath ki kheer khakar aati thi.

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di,

Nange pair aur ek hansi se ek hi jism pe mulaqaat kara di,

Ab toh morning walk bhi NIKE ke joote pehen ke karte hain,

Par woh hansi kahi chali gayi, jo khud ke phate joote seene ke baad aati thi.

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di,

Phate kapdon aur ek khushi se ek hi jism pe mulaqaat kara di,

Ab toh shirt main button bhi sone ka lagaate hain,

Par woh khushi kahi chali gayi, jo maa ki phati saari ke neeche chupne main aati thi.

Zindagi ne mujhe meri aukaat dikha di.

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Nightmare and Daydream

I was a nightmare, you were a daydream
When we first met,  we just sat and chat
Then only we started to date.
I don’t know why you liked me,
And everyday Skyped me.
Ooh.. So you saw that love in my eyes,
But I was stupid,
I never got over your beauty to see the same love in your eyes.
You knew that and took advantage
I thought I am turning into a Daydream
That all the things which were happening between us were real
But then you left without saying anything
And it turned out to be another gloomy nightmare.

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If Karan Johar made Interstellar

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If Karan Johar made Interstellar, first of all, there will be a love triangle between TARS, Dr. Brand and Cooper and before getting seprated from the two, Cooper will give some courtship tips to TARS,   Kyunki Kya Pata Kal Ho Na Ho.
Professor Brand , (who will be a gayish character) will have a secret crush on Dr. Mann. While his daughter is leaving, he will say that dialogue which has now become cliche over the years , yeah.. You guessed it right, Ja Beti Ja jeele apni zindagi and that poem ‘Do not go gentle into that good night’, will run in Background (Sung by Sonu Nigam).
Ofcourse Cooper will not be able to complete the mission because Murph will have a common cold (established by one sneeze) and the next thing we see is Cooper is in a space shuttle crossing all the barriers of OuterSpace, Quantum mechanics and Relativity to find out that Murph has already reached to a Space station which is called Dharma Productions and it is currently orbiting Saturn.
But how did Murph reach to this space station…. Well for that we have to go in flashback (It’s a Karan Johar film). Just to take audience in Suspension of Disbelief, Cooper was sent to Space (aur ek love song bhi shoot ho gaya OuterSpace main). The actual plan of NASA was to organise a ‘Astronaut Of The Year’  competition which has three rounds- Space Shuttle race, Humanoid -Human dance ball and Treasure hunt. Murph wins the competition and gets Rohit Mehra’s (Not Rahul) old computer as a prize. She clicks four random keys on the keyboard , which sounds like my father’s burp *Om, Om, Om, Om* and in the next scene she is in a space ship with Jadoo and they go to a space station near Saturn. (Fuck Fifth Dimension, Black Hole, Wormhole, who needs all that when we have Jadoo). Kajol is already waiting there for his guest appearance (It’s a Karan Johar film).
Once, Cooper reaches to the train station, Murph throws a party in which she invites all the famous celebrities from different galaxies.

Happy Ending.

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Aabru, Aarzoo aur Justuju

Aurat ki aabru ko aadmi ne
apne pajame ka nada samjha hai
Jab chahe tab Khol deta hai
Aurat ki aarzoo ko aadmi ne
Apne shirt ka button samjha hai
Jab chahe tab tod deta hai
Aurat ki justuju ko aadmi ne
Apne joote ka fita samjha hai
Jab chahe tab baandh leta hai
Par pagal aadmi yeh bhul jata hai
Ki usse pajame ka nada bandhna,
shirt ka button lagaana aur joote ke fite bandhna,
ek aurat ne sikhaya tha.

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PK – In My View

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As I write this post, there are rumours that pk is an alien from outer space who comes to earth to discover God. PK’s character also seems pretty similar to Mr.Bean to many people. I don’t know who PK is exactly. But the teaser says alot about the film. The movie challenges the reality. It is a satire on the daily life of a common man. It judges the normal way of life. For instance, the clothes we wear; Helping the poor etc.

God is a huge part of common man’s life. So the movie will surely have its say on the way we percive different Gods. The restless and stupid people who are targeting Aamir Khan for posing nude in the film saying that it will promote homosexuality ( which is a bigger deal in India than caste system and gender bias) should wait for the film to release. They have never laid their fingers on the monks who roam nude on the streets. (This may spark a controversy). Clothing is a man made concept. God never told us to wear clothes. Nobody was born suited booted. ( Oh.. Wait, but God Himself is a man made concept).

All in all, through PK’s character, Rajkumar Hirani and Abhijat Joshi will mock every aspect of our so called normal life, while, keeping the Hirani’s style of film making alive. I don’t know how much money this movie will make, but it surely will be another path breaking movie in Indian Cinema by the Director – Writer duo. This movie will make us think.

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Man Is The Real Beast

He regained counciousness admist the cries and screams of people. He woke up and started walking. Without realizing that he was on a stretcher at a BMC hospital,  he goes and sits on a empty wheelchair. He shut his eyes and started thinking what actually happened with him. Suddenly a number of images flashed in his mind,  Attack.. Fire.. Sweta. He remembered his wife’s last shout, ‘Run..Run really fast from these Demons and take Sweta along with you’. It was her last curse, her stomach was brutally ripped off after that.
‘What are you doing here? ,You are not supposed to leave your bed’, the nurse said in a authoritative tone. For the first time he came back from his oblivion and experienced the pain of his own deep cuts which he got on his back. He was limping because his right leg had a gunshot. But where was his daughter Sweta. He was assured that they escaped the rioters fury and reached to a safe place, but he had no idea about where they were separated.
No place in Mumbai was safe at that time. He knew this fact and he was afraid for her daughter. After sometime he saw four strong men who were the part of a rescue team. As they passed by his bed, he urged them to find his daughter, Sweta. He described his daughter to them. Sweta was a beautiful 17-year old girl who had a mole on her right cheek. The men assured him that if she is alive, they will surely find her.

After a few days, they found a girl in a  4LTD BEST bus. She was very pretty and had a mole on her right cheek. They seemed to have scared the girl. The girl tried to sneak out of the bus after seeing them. Ultimately, they got hold of her. They asked her, ‘Are you Sweta?’, her face turned pale. But when the rescue team told her about the father, she was relieved.

The young men treated her well. They fed her, gave her milk and bread. Her top and jeans were a little torn. She nervously tried to hide her visible parts, particularly her cleavage with her hands. A man was generous enough to give his jacket to her.

Days passed, the father had no clue about where his daughter was. He was dwindling between the state of fear and hope. The rescue team had the same answer , ‘If she is alive, we will find her.’ But he didn’t lose hope, he prayed, literally everytime for Sweta’s safe return.

At the time when he was discharged, there was a chaos in the hospital.  The rescue team brought some girls, who were found in a abandoned local train. The father’s anxiety rose. He searched for his daughter amongst those girls. Some were already dead but many of them were in condition which was even worse than dying. He entered a ward which had a dim red light and there she was, his prayers were answered. Sweta was lying on a stretcher. He checked her pulse and shouted with joy, MY DAUGHTER IS ALIVE. A lady doctor came in the ward and asked him to leave the room. He resisted and said, ‘I won’t leave my daughter alone again’ . The doctor assured him and said it was just a routine checkup and he can come after sometime. He left the room with tears of joy. But his joy soon turned into utter dismay , when he got a glimpse of the board which said- RAPE VICTIMS.

Inspired by Manto’s Khol Do.
© Gaurav Bumb

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Only When..

Only when there is darkness,
We will understand the value of light,
Just ask a  blind man.
Only when there is Hunger,
We will understand the value of food,
Just ask a hungry man.
Only when there is hatred
More love will bloom
Just ask a 80-year old couple.
Only when there is Separation,
We will understand the value of true friendship
Just call your long-lost friend and rejoice the moment.
Only when there is loss
We will understand the value of gain.
Only when we end our life ,
People think there is begnning of a new life.
But will the dead speak?
Only when we can face the black
We will understand the serenity and the beauty of white.

Grey is the only shade that prevails in the world. Nobody is totally black or white. No person or circumstance of life is always happy. But those who are averse to the black shade of anything and go even to the extent of ending their lives are the biggest mistakes of God.

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Saavdhaan Insaan!!!

Machli jal ki rani thi,
Jeevan uska pani tha,
Par phir aaya insaan, 
Jisne unke jeevan main zeher ghol diya.
Apne parijano ko shanti dene ke liye
Machliyon ke jeevan ki shanti bhang kar di,
Kitna khudgarz hai re insaan,
Apni motor main tel daalne ke liye,
Machliyon ke ghar ujad diye.

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Samjhta toh apne aap ko hai bada samazdaar
Phir kyun bana rakha hai,
Machliyon ke ghar ko kudedaan.
Kitna gooroor karta hai tu,
Yeh bade bade baandh  banakar
Bahut maza aata hai tujhe Machliyon ka ghar tabah kar.
Par ab Machliyaan hai taiyaar,
Unhone bana liya hai Aasmaan aur Samundar ko apna yaar.
Karne ko tujh par zor se vaar
Bandh kar de Prakriti ke saath yeh atyachaar.

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The Last Wish

An old man was on his deathbed. He saw the ultimate dream of his life, ‘A Garden Of Dreams’. A garden where all his dreams became potted plants. Some plants were totally ruined, some on the verge of drying up, while some bloomed beautifully. There was this plant of little hockey sticks which completely withered devoid of proper care. A plant which he planted with his wife, a beautiful daughter was on the verge of drying up as a weed called ego snatched away all nutrients from that plant. There was a MONEY plant which was fully nurtured, but it was least of his concerns now.

Out of nowhere, he saw two golden butterflies, as he chased them down, he reached to the end of his garden. He saw innumerable garden of dreams there. He saw a poor kid sowing few ‘Cricket Bat’ seeds, then he saw a blind girl planting a sapling of musical notes and it went on and on.

After giving a thought, he ran to his own garden and uprooted a single root from his proudly blooming money plant and planted it in the kid’s garden. He repeated this action till the last root of his money plant was left.

He was relieved. After all this hard work, when he reached his own garden, he was confused. All the plants that were on the verge of dying were blooming beautifully. He sat on a bench enjoying the beauty of this moment. The two butterflies which he chased earlier transformed into his last wish, a violin and he started playing a beautiful symphony.

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Haider (A Painting)

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Revenge begets Revenge. Haider is not just a film, it is a painting done on the landscape of Kashmir. Based on William Shakespeare’s Hamlet this art piece exposes the reality of the Valley on the backdrop of Family rivalry. Vishal Bhardawaj, the painter has used perfect combination of his colours, be it the music, the dialogues or the direction. The background score works as a catalyst to keep the audience at the edge of their seats. But what takes my breath away are the characters painted in it. Whether it is Haider (Shahid Kapoor), Khurram (Kay Kay Memon), Ghazala (Tabu) or Arshia (Shraddha Kapoor). The special appearances by Roohdaar (Irrfan) or Dr. Hussain Meer (Narendra Jha) were also powerful.
The family rivalry is a subtext to the situation in Kashmir, the tussle between the Army and the Militants in which the common people of Kashmir are the biggest loser. Haider shows the warmth that common people of Kashmir have even after going through a lot of pain. Kashmiris have lost their loved ones, who are either killed in fake encounters by Army or brainwashed by Militant groups across the border.
The painter’s apprentice, Pankaj Kumar (Director of Photography), who also worked as DOP in another work of art (Ship Of Theseus)
also gets a special mention for his sheer brilliance in cinematography.
At last, If the jealous and corrupt Censor Board Of India had not made 42 cuts, this nearly perfect masterpiece would have been perfect.

Gulzar Sahab Zindabad.

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Mumbai Ke Log, Mumbai ka Mausam

Mumbai ke log, Mumbai ka mausam
Dono ek se hi lagte hain
Ek din main na jaane kitni baar karwatain badalte hain.
Par mujhe yeh samajh nahi aata
Ki mausam ke kaaran log aise hai,
Ya logon ke kaaran mausam aisa hai.
Ki logon ka gussa itni garmi paida karta hai,
Ya iss dhoop ke kaaran log itna gussa karte hain.
Ki logon ke aansu dekhar, aasmaan bhi rone lagta hai
Ya baarish ke bahaane log apna rona ro lete hain.

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Ki thodi der ke liye hi sahi
Jab mausam khushnuma ho jata hai,
Toh kya yeh kudrat ka karishma hai,
Ya koi asli Mumbaikar ke dil ki awaaz.
Kuch bhi ho.
Par Andheri East main auto aaj bhi badi mushkil se milta hai.

Image Credits – ScoopWhoop

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I was Alarm Clock Zoned

I woke her up every morning
Leaving a “Seize the Day”  message
She didn’t reply.
Both at lunch and dinner
I reminded  her to eat properly
Leaving a “Eat Healthy”  message
But she didn’t reply.
After a long day,
I texted her a joke
Which I supposed made her laugh.
And she finally reply,
You are just like my alarm clock, LOL!!!
I was hurt..
I felt miserable.
But she doesn’t care
And like every other night,
She might have put me on snooze,
And gone to booze.
I was Alarm Clock Zoned.

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Dil Toh Secular Hai

Yeh jo dil hai woh bada hi secular bana phirta hai
Isse “love jihad” ka concept samajh nahi aata
Iss bewakoof ko kya pata,
Kitni himmat lagti hai unke pass jaane main
Par yeh toh unko dekhte hi unke peeche bhaagta hai
Usse mazhab se koi farq nahi padta hai
Woh toh bas andar aur bahaar ki khoobsoorati par marta hai,image

Aur kisi se nahi darta hai
Ab usse pyaar ko ishq kehne waale aziz hain
Toh main kya karu.
Meri koi galti nahi hai
Bada Matlabi hai woh
Usse toh apne kaam se matlab hai bas
Usse toh dooriyaan mitane se matlab hai bas
Issi Dil ki galtiyon ka thikra mere sir girta hai
Yeh dil bada secular bana phirta hai

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Mere Papa

Meri khawishon ka bhoj utha kar chale hain woh,
Mere sapno ko haqiqat main badalne ki koshish main joote hain woh,
Apni zaroorat ko pare rakh kar meri zaroorat ko pura karne main lage hain woh.
Har shaam jab woh office se ghar shanti ki talaash main aate hain,
Toh main unke saamne kranti bankar khada ho jata hu.
Aur unpe apni ziddon ki bumbari karta hu.

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Kabhi Kabhie main darr jata hu,
Ki woh meri har zidd ko pura karte hain,
Kya woh mujhse kuch zyada hi umeed lagaye baithe hain.
Par phir mere sir par ek tapli padti hai
Aur unki bhaari si awaaz aati hai,
zyada mat socha kar
Bacha hai tu abhi.
Main toh bas itna hi chahta hoon,
Ki teri zindagi sawar jaye
Aur mera sir garv se uncha ho jaaye.

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Come Sit, Let’s chat (English translation)

Come sit, Let’s chat
You had a long walk on my warm sand today,
So sit down,
Light your cheap cigar,
And curse those who are standing higher than you at the podium
Pity those who are sitting below at the podium
I am the Sea
You needn’t show off in front of me,
You are with me
Speak your heart
Every drop of mine is a story,
And your story also has a special safe box.
Smile is the minimal charge
You have to pay to open an account with us.
Actually, it’s pretty important for a city like Mumbai
To have such a bank
Where the tumult of your heart is lowered
And your happiness is compounded
So I will again annoy you like a stubborn bank agent,
Come sit,  Let’s chat

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Aao Baitho Baatein karte hain

Aao Baitho, baatein karte hain
Ab garam reth par nange pair mere kinaare tak aaye ho,
Toh Baith Jao,
Jalao apni sasti si bidi
Aur koso unhe jo tumse unche paaydaan pe khade hain,
Dhudkaro unhe jo tumse neeche paaydaan par baithe hain.

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Main Samundar hun.
Mere saamne tumhe koi dikhawa nahi karna hoga
Tum Mere saath ho
Keh Do jo bhi dil main hai
Meri Har ek boond kisi na kisi ki kahaani hai
Maine sabki kahaniyo ko sambhaal kar rakha hai
Tumhari bhi ek khaas jagah rakhi hai
Khushiyon ka charge lagta iss kahaaniyon ke bank main
Mere pass agar aate ho toh kam se kam ek muskaan toh deni hogi
Zaroori hai bhai Mumbai jaise shehar main
Meri taraf ek baar mud ke dekhna.
Iss kahaaniyon ke bank main aapke dard kam kare jaate hain
Aur khushiyon ka interest milta hai.
Toh woh hi main waapas kahta hu
Ki account kholne ke liye
Aao Baitho, baatein karte hain

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Mujhe toh samajh nahi aata

Context – My dad is an architect and my mom is an artist. This poem depicts my feelings when I was a kid. This is inspired by a poem of Rabindranath Tagore.

Maa, Papa din bhar kaagzon pe kya banaate hain
Meri toh kuch samajh nahi aata
Kuch square aur circle  kya bana lete hain,
Unhe toh aapse bhi zyaada waah waahi milti hai
Aap toh kitni khoobsoorat drawing banaate ho,
Unhe kuch sikhaate kyun nahi.
Unke bikhre hue kaagzon pe maine ek din unse accha circle kya bana diya,
Toh jalan ke kaaran unhone mujhe kamare se baahar nikal diya.
Aap toh Parion ki puri duniya design karti ho,
Par woh toh issi duniya ke chote se kone main kisika ka ghar design karte hain.

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The Real Connection

I started thinking what can I gift you for your birthday,
Taj Mahal….No. Nice, but old school
Moon.. oh but your birthday is on a New Moon Day
A costly dress, but you look a star in whatever you wear
But I can gift you one thing,
A promise,
That from this night…every night
I will leave my formal stressful work shoes at my workplace
And try to fit in a pefect companion’s shoes.
I will leave all the trauma which Internet gave me,
All the social media hypocrisy,
I will shut down all the artificial connections and networks.
And will spend the night with you and only you,
Which is the real connection,
For which we were born,
To love.

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The Indian Comic Con

Everyone knows how awesome the comic-cons are. Well entering into a Hindu Temple is nothing short of a low budget comic con sponsered by Amar Chitra Katha and Ramanand Sagar’s family. Well entry is mostly free (Note-There are some who are considered of low caste are not allowed to enter into such comic-cons). The entry may be free but people voluntarily donate so much that some of our superheroes like Ganesha of Lalbaugh and Balaji of Tirupati became richer than Bruce Wayne and Tony Stark. We sure have female Superheroes like the ferocious Durga who will give a run for her money to Wonder Woman.

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Lets Compare if you have candies and chocolates.
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We have prasads like Modak, Peda, Chirongi and Chana.

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If you have this-
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We have this-
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And We surely do have cosplays-
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Our Comics too have evovled over the years-
From this-
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To This-
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From here-
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To here-
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Live and Let Live Please

God please stop tweeting using the hashtag #BlessingsonGaza. It’s time for some real action. Things are really getting out of hand. There are air attacks on Gaza in every 15 minutes. There is no electricity as Israel blew up their only power station. I have stopped paying attention to the statistics of how many human beings die because in my view every life is important. The innocent children, men, women are dying as goats and cows die in the slaughterhouse. The people have started loosing faith in you. They have started thinking that they have came to this earth just to die. It has turned into a fight of egos between Hamas and Israeli Goverment which are taking lives of innocent people.

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God they started the fight using your name and now you have to stop this. So I am not praying to you Allah, Jesus or Vishnu whatever you might be. I am telling you get off your diamond studded IPhone 22 and stop playing the Holy Candy Crush and do some real action. Please. The World Needs You.

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Man vs Wild

I woke up today to a horrifying epiphany.
That I have turned into a Two faced being
One part of my face was that of a human,
who goes to candle marches, respects mothers and sisters at home, Posts different things on his Facebook timelime to prove that he is not sexist.

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But the other part of the face was that of a monster
who does not feel guilty after using matriarchal abusive language,
who enjoys watching indecent content,
but tags every girl, who dresses so called ‘indecently’ as a slut.

I am proud of the little humanity that is left in me and ashamed of the monstrous being within me

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Aalas ka Daanav

Takiye aur neend main jhagda laga sa hai
Bistar aur sapano main bhi lafda hua sa hai
Sapne shayad isliye pareshaan hai kyunki ,
Main neend main toh unse milkar aata hun,
Par subah hote hi waapas bistar main hi rah jata hu.
Unke peeche bhaagne ki zhamat nahi uthata hun.

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Kabhie kabhie raat karwato ke saahare hi kat jati hai
Agli subah kuch karne ki aasha mann main jag jaati hai,
Par phir wohi bistar aur kambal beech main aa jaate hain
Mere jaise aalas ke daanav se mohini ki tarah karm ka amrit chin kar le jaate hain.
Brought to You by-SleepHell Mattress

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Stop Piracy

Over the years I loved piracy. One, It had helped me to save a lot of money; Two, it had helped me to watch some of the best movies of the world. When television started ad campaigns on STOP PIRACY, newspapers had articles about how piracy promotes terrorism and how much loss it caused to the film industry, I ignored them. I thought that it is just a technique  to lure the audience in the movie theatre.
But it is said that if you do somethimg the wrong way, even a small thing like watching a movie for free, the repercussions are really worse.

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Now here’s  my experience with piracy.

A few days back I boarded a bus from my hometown to Mumbai, it was a ac sleeper bus and a had a video screen for each seat. Every traveller had to watch the same movie which the bus conductor puts on. To my sheer bad luck he puts on the pirated version of the highest grossing film of bollywood Dhoom 3, the movie which I regretted to have watched in the  theatre because it was a pain in the ass. I turned  off the movie immediately but the other commuters started watching it and the bus had those common speakers which brought back those horrific images of trolled face AAmir Khan tap dancing, the 5 crore song, MALANG MALANG in which the producers spent all their money on sets forgetting about the music and lyrics. I started counting how many time the same dialogue, “Bandeh hain hum uske..” but I think I lost my count after 240, 1 crore for each of it. The same dialogue is said so many times in the film that even AAmir Khan gets bored of it and how can I forget him.

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My point being piracy is bad. It can cause much worse things then promoting terrorism. So do your bit to stop piracy and download only a single movie a day on torrent. Otherwise these films will catch you and give you cancer even when you ignore them when it comes to theatre.

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Images Source:
Bollywoodhungama.com

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Sorry Bitiya!!

Mere buddhe paon mujhe taane dete hain
Kehte hain tum toh beti nahi chahate the na
Phir kyun uski kamaai ki rotiyaan tod rahe ho
Jhuki hui kamar mujhe chidaati hai
Jis bete ko tum bhuddape ki laathi samazte the
Woh toh tumhe chod kar America chale gaya.

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Mere puraane chashme kaise piche rahte woh bhi bol uthe
Kitna paisa baaha diya tha tumne apne bete ki padhai par
Bhul gaye the uss samay apni beti ko tum
Bole the padh likhar kya karegi woh
Par aaj dekho woh bina sahaare apne pairon par khadi hai
Meri lakdi ki walking stick kehti hai
Socho agar aaj woh na hoti toh tumhara kya hota.

Stop discriminating between your daughter and son. Please!

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Garmi ki chuttiyaan

Main garmi ki chuttiyon main jab ghar jata hu
Toh buddhe dadaji ke kamare main unse bhi bhuddha ek cooler dikhta hai
Jise har do ghante main dadaji ki tarah ki paani ki pyaas lagti hai
Dono bhagwaan bharose hi chal rahe hain.
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Upari manzil par papa ka kamra hai
Jahan ***** rating wala Cooler laga hua hai
Jo electricity bill ka sabse bada dushman hai
Kyunki yeh cooler toh sirf kaam se thake hue aaye papa ko raat ko thandak deta hai
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Papa ke kamare ke pass bhaiya ka kamra hai
Jahaan electricity bill ka best friend rahta hai
Ek American company ka A.C.
Jo chalta bhi American timing se hai
Kyunki bhaiya toh din bhar sota hai aur raat mein kaam se nikalta hai.
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Right to Reject

Meri maa ro rahi hai,
Meri Bharat maa ro rahi hai,
Woh apne shakuni roopi bhai modi se pareshan hai,
Jo uske bachon(Hindu and Muslim) main ladai karwa raha hai.
Italy se aayi ek chudial ne apne nalayak bete ke saath milkar,
Uske bachon ki raaton ki neend ki neend haram kar di hai.

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Woh naaraz hai uss jhadu waale dagabaz par,
Jisne aam aadmi ki topi pehenkar,
Aam aadmi ko hi topi pehena di.
Par sabse zyada woh apne hi bachon par gussa hai,
Jo rajneeti ko aaj bhi daldal hi samazte hain.
Aur ghar par baithkar inn shaitano ke naam par ladate rahte hain.

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Maa > Bhagwaan

Maa aapki badi yaad aati hai,
Har raat bina aapki lori ke hi kat jaati hai.
Kabhie Kabhie aap mere sapne mein aate ho,
Mere baal sahlaate ho aur chale jaate ho.
Taare zameen par dekh kar toh aaj bhi rona aata hai,
“Maa” song khatam hote-hote toh tissue box khatam ho jata hai.

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Aap mere khawabon ki pari ho ,
Kabhie kabhie sunaate mujhe khari khari ho.
Mujhe pata hai ki mein ab bhi akal se katcha hoon,
Par phir bhi aapka acha bacha hoon.
Maa aapki badi yaad aati hai,
Har raat bina aapki lori ke hi kat jaati hai.

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Mom>God

Mommy I miss you,
I regret every day which pass by and I can’t kiss you.
Your food is like a heavenly bliss,
I regret every day I give it a miss.
Sometimes you come in my dream,
You sit by my side, Sing me my favourite lullaby then fly away.
Sometimes I find you in the eyes of an old woman,
Who is waiting for her NRI son since 10 years now.
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Nevertheless,
You are the queen of my fairytale,
You make me feel like I am Christian Bale.
You are the best person I ever met.
Ok! Now my eyes are getting wet.
Mommy I miss you,
I regret every day which pass by and I can’t kiss you.

When I get into trouble, I don’t pray to God. Rather I close my eyes and picture the beautiful face of my mother. Just try it. It’s the greatest energy booster

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Oh My Sachin!!!!

Every night when I go to bed I pray to God and picture a white light showering blessings on me. But the night Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar retired ( As people say. But I still do not believe it)something amazing happened. I went to bed expecting the same image but suddenly my mind went blank and I started hearing loud cheers Saaachin….Saaaachin. At one end of the ground there was Sudhir Gautham, who is now the brand ambassador of Quickrrr. Then the Master Blaster entered the park. He started off with his signature straight drive which went right past whining Waqar Younis.

*Time for people to think about the straight drive*

From there my dream took a time leap off to Sharjah to that night when one of the sweetest dream of a Sachin fan became the deadliest nightmare for Shane Warne, that superb inning of 143 runs  is  still regarded as the best ODI inning by Him.
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Who can forget the upper cut six on the last ball of the first over by Shoaib Akhtar at Centurion in 2003. On the day when Shoaib had an epiphany that, “Who Is The Daddy?”. 
*Time given to readers to impersonate Sehwag’s epic dialogue, “BAAP….. BAAP HOTA HAI  AUR BETA..BETA”
Then came that short span of sadness  when you decided to retire in 2007 after India was out of the world cup in the first round after a humiliating loss against Bangladesh.  But all thanks to Mrs. Tendulkar who beared all your frustration and convinced you not to give up and fulfill your dream of bringing  that world cup home, which you apparently did in World Cup 2011.
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In 2008 you spilled your magic again as the Australian team cried once again, this time on their mommy’s lap. All thanks to your two back to back magnificent  innings in the CB Tri-Series finals. Still cannot get over the scene when James Hopes  literally cried at Gabba after that loss.
“And it’s the Super Man from India”, who can forget that inning of 201 in Gwailor when you became the first cricketer on the face of the Earth to hit a double ton.
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After each of your superb inning in that dream, a tv commercial came when somtimes you told the secret of your energy and sometimes you gave a signature test with Reynolds Racer Gel. When I came to know MRF was a tyre company, I literally checked every vehicle in my house. We know that you are solely responsible for half the revnues of PepsiCo India and Star Sports network. Sorry I am a vegiterian so I didn’t start eating eggs and either way I didn’t wanted to be like that kid who crushes your hand in that NECC advert.
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Throughout your career you made the bowlers of opposition cry but that last inning  and last speech,” My life for 24 years between these 22 yards is hard to believe had come to an end”,made us cry.
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*Pagale ne poore India ko rula dia. Aisa koi karta hai kya?
Jao mujhe nahi dekhna ek bhi match India ka. Aab mein hockey dekhunga. Chak de India!!!. Waise who is the captain of the Indian hockey team? Sunil Chethri na.*#sarcasm

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Tribute to God

Spoiler Alert: I tried to write a post on master blaster but then I realised that any combination of 26 letters will not be enough to describe the genius of Sachin Ramesh Tendulkar . Therefore, I wrote about the essence of his journey that he chased his dreams since the age of 11 and today it all ends from where it started. So chase your dreams guys. Enjoy this poem.

Apni khawishon ko chupa  kar tumhe kya milega
Apne sapano ko bhula kar tumhe kya milega
Dukh aur dard se bhara sanaata
Doston duniya toh tumhe rokegi hi
Par tum duniya jaise mat bano
Apne khawabon ka khoon apne haaton se mat karo
Apne sapano ke piche bhaago
Tumhara sapna tum hi pura kar sakte ho
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Bas puri mehnat se uske piche bhaago
Mein bhaag raha hoon
Aur maa kasam bada maza aa raha hai.
Aur  haan yeh bandha bhi 24 saal se apne sapon ke piche bhaag raha tha
But you know Gods never retire.
Take a bow master.
Thank you for inspiring us.

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Ram vs Ramu Kaka

Just tell me one thing if you regard God as the supreme being then why do Hindu mythology gives an opportunity to uncle pai and Ramanand Sagar to take the first mover advantage and make comic books and TV serials. Gods are just the comic characters of the past.  Rapist like Asaram use the name of God to turn himself into a buisness tycoon having net worth of 350 crore. Commercialisation of God is one aspect. The thing which irritates me the most that some narrow minded idiots use the name of God to preach violence and believe it or not communal violence is much bigger than terrorism or naxalism.
It’s so ironical that we worship Saraswati, the goddess of knowledge but we harass girls at schools, colleges and work place. We worship Laxmi, the goddess of wealth but still we have dowry deaths. We worship Durga, the goddess of power but forget about giving equal power to female sex, we kill the girl in the womb itself.

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Why do we need temples?? Understand a simple thing people
If you regard God as the supreme being who made you then why he needs your support to live or why He need your money. If you have a counter question to that the donated money is used for a good cause then you are mistaken because most of the time it is used to build another temple of God. We are donating truck lots of money for someone who we still don’t know exists or not. Rather, we can invest in health care and education of the poor.

So my ultimate message – This Diwali get over Ram and give happiness to your old Ramu Kaka and his son who is still struggling to get into a good school.

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God’s Fool of the Day

Everyday I boarded the same monstrous bus which took me to a hell (college) . But today was a lucky day for me because  when I  reached the  stand a magic bus was waiting for me. A bus whose destination was my hometown, where a proud father and a worried  mother are waiting  since six months now. In the bus all the past memories came back to me. The last time I hugged my grandfather before leaving ,  taste of the local snacks and the kiss filled with mother’s love  Then the damn alarm started snoozing right in my ears  making me realize that it was just a dream and I am just another contestant of the heavenly game God’s Fool of the day.

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What’s my fault???(english translation)

I may be a cute six year old or working 26 year old
It hardly makes any difference
I may be an innocent small town girl or a powerful high society creature
It hardly makes any difference
I am always bound to the same fate.
Sometimes I question the world that what’s my fault?
They remain silent and just comment that’s how India works.
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Some narrow minded bastards curse my attire for such monstorous acts.
Haunted by this fate Sometimes I prefer to die
And,sometimes I refuse to cry.
Mostly actors and politicians are monsters of my nightmares.
They leave the room laughing , leaving me in tears beneath the bed.

Stop blaming the victim.

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The confessions of a Bumb

“One who can laugh on himself can easily make others burst into laughter”-Charlie Chaplin.
Your chilhood is a disaster when you have a weird surname like me. My Surname is Bumb and we do not deal in human weapons believe it or not . Sometimes it is kinda awkward to read my surname mispelled by the 3rd class courier companies. Most of the times its Bomb or Bum either of them is equally hilarious. The weirdest mistake I came across was when they mispelled it as Pump and that to on a rejection letter of a University. I was like Bitch Please first get the name right then teach literature in your college. Imagine the name Gaurav Pump. On a serious note my name helps the terrorists to earn two meals a day. Terrorists are really grateful to us because we endorse their major product without charging a single penny.But the Stand-Up Comedians are more dangerous than the terrorists. My surname is such that it can be used by hindi and english stand up comics to make equally hilarious jokes. For instance Gajodhar bhaiya can make a bum bum bole joke and Russel Peters can make a bum joke.
My friend once joked that you seem to be adrent devotee of Gauri-Shankar because your name has the essence of both of them and you yourself look like Ganpati.
On a serious note I believe that my surname is awesome because  the mordern world is  full of worries and insecurity and  people find small things which make them smile and what’s more funny than having a weird surname. There are very less people who can make you smile just by telling their name and I am happy to be one of them.
Last but not the least the airport incident. It was my first time at the Delhi Airport and I was lost and friends started calling where is bumb , where is bumb and they were noticed by a Haryanvi cop and he said, “ke laundo airport pe bomb phodne ka plan karre se” and then they said he is a human and the cop was even more annoyed, ” ke bawadi poonch human bomb se tumhare pass, chalo police thaane”.
Sorry bad one

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Letter to Sai from his father Nirasaram

Dear son, A week has gone by, and I see no signs of things getting any better. You are letting my name down. Now it seems like your Corrupt The System training was a waste of my precious money and time. I know you are still a novice in giving interviews but ask Jethmalani he will train you how to tackle the media especially with that louder than a loudspeaker journalist Goswami. I do not understand why he even needs a microphone. Leave all that, focus on getting me out of here. I am innocent and God knows that but you are quite well versed with the Indian govt. we have to pay more bribe if we are innocent. You know why I went to that room with that girl tell the media that my father was trying his hand in a new buisness power yoga which is the need of the hour and he just wanted a volunteer to practise some new aasans. I heard from the old prisioners that Salman khan was kept in the Same cell here, Salman khan reminded me of Katrina and Aishwarya and I was unable to sleep properly at night.
The police and the inmates are finding different ways of torchering me. In my first letter i told you about the body ache which I experinced on the first night here. When I asked for the massage oil they gave me the bull shit smelling pitanjali’s massage oil mass produced by that salwar suit baba kaamdev’s company. Next when I asked for newspaper they refused instead they took me to the jailer’s quarter and switched on the television and swapped to India TV some third eye baba’s satsang was coming. I am quite impressed by his entreprenual skills after watching him sell samosa and godrej locks in an innovative way. Now I feel like a small retailer in the generation of online shopping websites. Then suddenly the jailer came and he found another way to torcher me he took the remote and swapped to TIMES NOW where The Goswami was putting baseless allegations on me, I was very annoyed. All together do something asap to get me out of here.
Yours lovingly
Bapu